Forgive, Forget...Let It Go! by Bernadette Love
The Word For Women Network An Interactive Ministry
Forgive and forget…we all know the phrase well…and we all know that it’s not so easy to do,
especially when your feelings have been hurt. Rejection is something that no one in their right mind
ever wants to experience but in life it seems to be inevitable. It even happens to what society calls
“The Beautiful People” (Hollywood’s finest). Who in his right mind would walk away from Vanessa
Williams, but it happened.
Once rejected we go into several phases: #1 – I call this the disbelief phase. We can’t believe that
all of our hard work, sacrifices, self-denial, and limitless love have been scorned. We can’t wrap our
minds around the fact that our tireless efforts have been tossed out like day old garbage. It’s in our
face…they are gone…but we still watch the door, waiting for them to return.
Phase #2 – I call this the “Ok, maybe they are gone for good” phase – Reality is finally trying to sink
in. The phone isn’t ringing (even though you tell yourself you won’t answer if they call, but you know
you will). You make sure that you go straight home from work (just in case they drop by to pick up
something that was left behind) and you tell yourself that you want to give them a piece of your mind
even though you know you won’t. You go to the places that you both once called “your spot” in the
hopes of getting a quick glance at them…you won’t bother them, though (yeah right).
Phase #3 – It’s now been a few days and still no call – I call this the “Ok, I’m pissed” phase. Every
man you see is now a dog (or every woman is a B----). You are angry at the world…but mainly at
yourself. How in the world did you allow yourself to be treated like this, you ask? Didn’t you see the
handwriting on the wall? Why couldn’t you see what everybody else was trying to tell you? Were
you so love starved that you ignored all of the signs? Righteous indignation and self retaliation are
raging a fierce war inside your mind…it will be interesting to see which one wins.
Finally, the breaking point…phase #4 – I call this the “woe is me” phase. This is the most
dangerous phase of all because we can stay here far too long. Our friends and family, though they
love us and want to help, are getting a little tired of the pity party that we keep attending and
dragging them to. They don’t understand why we can’t just let go and go on. They, especially those
who have somebody, either have never been there or have forgotten how rejection feels. How do
you stop this party? Glad you asked!
Grieve if you must just promise yourself you won’t grieve too long. Anyone who cannot see your
worth is not worth your tears. Anyone who cannot value the person that you are doesn’t deserve
the time that you are giving them. It all boils down to understanding that you are fearfully and
wonderfully made. That’s not just something that we say…it’s for real. The Bible says that God took
the time to fashion us after His image! This is awesome. And, as soon as you begin to see yourself
as God sees you, the tears will dry up. Your shoulders will square and you will be a force to be
Another thing…put that box of chocolate up and go take a walk. Get off the couch and put the
potatoes up. Let that hamburger and French fries go. You’re alone now. Now is not the time to give
in to your flesh and let it all hang out. Take care of yourself. Get yourself ready for the new
adventure that God is preparing you for. There is a new and exciting world waiting for you to
conquer. The best revenge is showing the world that you have overcome rejection. The enemy has
knocked you down but you don’t have to stay there. Get busy, get active, get out of the house…
Find like-minded Christian singles to hang out with. If your church has a singles ministry, join it…if
not, start one. When your mind wants to take you to dark places…pick up a book! Improve
yourself, learn something new. There are all sorts of activities that you can fill your time and your
mind with. Mentor a young person, especially an at-risk young person. Give of yourself…I can’t
stress this one enough.
Forgive, forget , let it go and go on…not easy, but entirely doable. We can do all things through
Christ who gives us strength. He is that rock that we can stand on, lean on, depend on and so on!
|Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of
old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall
ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and
rivers in the desert.
Isaiah 43:18, 19