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The Word For Women Network An Interactive Ministry
My boyfriend has been after me to have sex for the last few months. I have decided to live a celibate lifestyle and intend to continue
with this until marriage. We are both believers and very active in our church. I can't understand why it is so hard for him to support
me in this area as he should be wanting the same thing. I don't want to lose him but I really don't want to disappoint God by caving
into the constant pressure. This is causing a lot of strife in our relationship.
I can definitely see how this can cause a real problem for you. But, the answer, though simple, may be hard to do. You already know
what the Word says. Sex is reserved for the marriage bed and since you two are not married, it is not for you at this time. You didn't
say what is keeping you guys from tying the knot, but, until you do, no sex.
If your boyfriend is not where you are in his walk with the Lord, you must allow him to be where he is. But, you must stand your
ground. If you by chance should cave in to the pressure, repent, forgive yourself, and go on and sin no more. Walking after the Spirit
and dying to the flesh is certainly not easy. However, the Word says that He will give us a way out of every temptation, including
fornication. Keep this situation before the Lord and trust Him to work it out.
If this man is the man that God intends for you to marry then God will certainly deal with him so that he too can walk after the Spirit.
However, just because you both work in the church does not necessarily mean that he is the one. Often times we do the picking and
ask God to bless it instead of waiting on Him. Prayerfully seek an answer from God as this is serious business. You don't want to
fall into sin if you can help it...and you can help it with the help of the Lord.
Until next time...don't forget to ask Jackie
Got a question or a concern for Jackie, just use the form below. If you would like a personal response from Jackie, just specify
this in the comments section and she will send you her comments via email.
My husband and I have had issues about an affair he had...he still hides his cell phone.. I put my faith and trust in God...but to no
avail. If he continues to hide his phone, should i just let it go or confront him about it?
Anytime trust is broken it is a terrible thing. Sometimes it can’t be fixed. Your husband has to realize that he has to work to regain your
trust. Tell him how you feel about his hiding his phone, which gives you the impression that he still has something to hide. Express
to him that you want to trust him again but his actions make that almost impossible to do. Then the ball is in his court. He will either
comply and leave things out in the open, showing that he has nothing to hide, or continue in the path that he is going which probably
means that he still does.
Once you have talked to him, let God do what He has to do. Only God knows if your husband intends to do the right thing. You, of
course, can’t change your husband but God can. You say that you prayed but to no avail, I beg to differ. The Word says that when we
pray, God will hear and when he hears, he answers. Sometimes the answer may not be what we want to hear, but he always
answers. You will have to stand on what the word says about your marriage and your husbands’ salvation. You will have to trust God.
You didn’t say if your husband is saved or not but we know that any kind of sex outside of marriage goes against everything that God
I believe that once you have talked with your husband about your feelings, you must leave the rest to God. Go to him with the love of
God, meaning let God’s love shine through you. Will it be easy, of course not. But God will give you the strength that you need to pull it
off. You are still obligated to forgive him for his affair. Will this be easy, again, no…but it’s necessary. Once you have done this, then
stand on the Word of God. You will have to trust God like you never have before, remembering that we have all sinned and come short
of the glory of God.
Turn this situation over to God and leave it there. I know that I have said that before, but I can’t stress it enough. I’ve been where you
are now and I know that it is not easy to wait on the will of God while He works this out. You will want to dig, investigate, and
interrogate. You will want to question your husband’s every move and this is normal. As much as you may want to do these things,
don’t. Digging only makes you crazy. It will steal your joy and rob you of any peace that God wants to give you. Also, when you dig and
probe you are telling God that you don’t think He has what it takes to work this out for you. The trust that you had has been violated.
But it’s up to you to decide if you love him enough to try and work it out or not. No one can make that decision for you, not even God. If
you tell God that you want another chance at having the marriage that He wants all of us to experience, then you must wait on Him to
work this out. If you tell God that you are through and you no longer wish to try, He will honor that as well. But either way, you need God
to work this out, even to do a work in you. It will take the forgiveness that comes from God to heal the hurt that you feel now. An affair
doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage but it’s going to take a lot of work on both of your parts to pull this off and experience
the state of holy matrimony.
God doesn’t work on our time table. Your job as a believer is to forgive and allow God to use you in His business. As impossible as it
may seem, you must take the focus off of the problem and put your focus on God. The one thing that your husband is not expecting is
to see God’s love for him in you. Your actions at this point will go much further than your words ever could. Colossians 3:13 says:
Forbearing one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Meaning, just as Christ
forgave you for your sins, you must forgive your husband for his.
I will be praying for you and your husband. Please let me know how things are going for you. Remember this one thing, I think this is
a P.S. from God: your husband’s sin was not about you.